Animal Magnetism
by Halrloprillalar
Summary: Momo/Kaidoh. In which Momoshiro is good and noble and cool and true.


Momo didn't know where the puppy had come from but he did know where the puppy was going. That is, unless someone did something. And when it came to people who did things, Momo was, like, their president or something.

So just as the cart of tennis balls bore down upon the poor little dog, Momo launched himself with what he hoped was a heroic aura and possibly some awesome slo-mo right into the path of the killer cart and knocked it aside, thus saving the dog from his (or possibly her) certain doom and skinning his own knee as well.

The puppy got up and trotted away.

Well, some thanks that was! Still and all, Momo didn't save puppies just for a reward. He did it because it was right and good and noble. He looked around to see if anyone had noticed just how good and noble and cool he was.

"Momo, you made such a mess!" Eiji called. "Now the poor first-years will have extra work to do."

Nobody else even paid attention. Momo pulled himself up to his feet and pulled the cart up after him. Then somebody pulled on Momo. Momo turned around, in more heroic slow motion, but it was just Kaidoh.

"Come on," Kaidoh said and pulled Momo some more.

"What the hell?" Momo said because Kaidoh usually pushed Momo, not pulled him. It made Momo curious, so he let Kaidoh keep pulling and they ended up around a corner in a little weird alley that was part of the school and which Inui always said was due to poor planning by the architect.

Momo was about to make a remark along those lines when Kaidoh grabbed him around the neck. This was still not all that usual, but Momo figured he was going for a headlock. Momo was planning how to easily slip out of the headlock and give Kaidoh the smack of his lifetime when Kaidoh gave Momo a smack instead.

Only it wasn't a smack upside the head, like Momo was about to give Kaidoh, it was a smack on the lips. In fact: it was a kiss.

Yes, Kaidoh's mouth was stuck right up against Momo's, sort of damp and fierce, and the slow motion got even slower, and then it was over and Kaidoh ran away.

Momo rubbed his mouth.

_ooooo_

The next few days, Momo avoided Kaidoh while keeping a close eye on him, but Kaidoh didn't do anything else weird, so Momo figured it must have been a strange result of drinking Inui's experimental juice or alien abduction or possibly Momo had just dreamed it.

In any case, he continued to go about his noble and heroic business, which involved going to school, playing tennis, and eating snacks.

After tennis, Momo liked to head out to a particular snack cart that sold ginormous servings of ramen for a very reasonable price. On his way to the snack cart one day, he came across a small crowd on the sidewalk. They were all looking up a tree so Momo looked up it too.

There, on a tree branch, was a small cute kitten. It was light grey with dark grey stripes and it had a red collar around its neck. Momo thought he would take a picture of it with his mobile phone camera and then post it to a cute cat picture blog that he liked to read every day.

"Oh, my poor Belinda-chan!" an old woman said, in a sort of sad screechy voice. "She's stuck up the tree and she can't get down! Look how scared she is!"

Momo didn't think Belinda-chan looked all that scared but the old woman was definitely upset. So, he immediately climbed up the tree in a most agile, graceful, and heroic manner, which was harder than it looked and he slipped and scraped his hands on the bark a couple of times.

But he made it up to the branch eventually. Belinda-chan was purring and looking even cuter up close than from down below. Momo got out his phone and took a picture. He was definitely going to get a lot of comments on his cat blog post! Then he tucked Belinda-chan inside his jacket and climbed down again.

The old woman was super-grateful and, as a reward, gave him a small package of tissues she had in her handbag. Which was a pretty sucky reward, actually, but Momo figured she was poor or something.

Momo started back on his way to the snack cart but he hadn't taken two steps before someone grabbed his arm. It was Kaidoh, who Momo hadn't noticed previously but who must have just arrived. He yanked Momo's arm again and they ended up behind a dumpster.

"Listen, Kaidoh," Momo said but then Kaidoh pushed him so that Momo's back was against the dumpster and Kaidoh's lips were against Momo's lips and Kaidoh's hand was on the side of Momo's ribs and it was sort of like slo-mo and fast-mo all mixed up together inside Momo's stomach.

Then Kaidoh stepped back and his face was red and his hair was all messy and it was kind of cute, not really Belinda-chan-level cute, but still worth a few blog comments, but before Momo could get out his phone, Kaidoh ran away.

Just like before.

_ooooo_

The next day, Kaidoh was totally back to normal. He didn't try to kiss Momo at all or even really seem to notice him that much.

It was all a big mystery! Momo figured that Inui's juice concoctions couldn't be the reason, since they had all been forced to drink a new murky blue one during training and all it had done to Kaidoh was make him throw up. Alien abduction didn't seem likely either, since Momo's internet searches hadn't turned up any UFO sightings in the vicinity.

So now Momo was working under the theory that Kaidoh had an identical twin brother, or possibly cousin, Kaidoh 2, who sometimes impersonated Kaidoh and who liked kissing Momo.

Or maybe Kaidoh was just waiting for an opportunity. So instead of avoiding Kaidoh, Momo went right up to him, in his most heroic and cool fashion, and talked to him about what kind of racquet was best, i.e. the kind Momo used, and also about how snacks were really great.

But all Kaidoh did was defend his own inferior racquet choice and tell Momo he was going to get fat if he ate so much.

Well, they were in public and Kaidoh was a very shy boy, after all. So after practice, when everyone was finished changing, Momo told Kaidoh there was something he had to show him in the back of the clubhouse.

They were all alone. And Momo was very cool indeed. But still nothing happened. In fact, neither of them said anything and it was becoming super-awkward and all the dust back there was making Momo want to sneeze.

There was a loud bang. Momo jumped. Kaidoh jumped too. Momo looked around. In the corner was a mouse trap and inside the mouse trap, which was a humane box-style trap, not a cruel spring-loaded trap, was a mouse, pawing at the sides of the plastic box. The mouse was small and grey and cute. But it was also very scared.

Momo opened the trap and let the mouse go. And then toppled to the floor as Kaidoh tackled him.

Oh.

_ooooo_

So it turned out there was a decent reward for saving animals in danger. Momo's problem was that animals in danger didn't come along every day.

Sure, Kaidoh was there when Momo caught the bird that flew into the second-year hallway and tossed it safely outside, so that they had an enjoyable and educational fifteen minutes in the cleaning closet afterwards.

Sure, when Momo texted Kaidoh to tell him about the lost pet turtle he returned to the boy next door, Kaidoh texted him back to meet behind the toilets in the park and did something to Momo there that Momo had never even THOUGHT about before but which turned out to be about the best thing in the world, even better than snacks.

But these events were irregular and Momo wanted them to be very regular indeed, especially after the turtle incident. He kept a close eye out for any animals, but after a five day dry spell, he knew desperate measures were called for.

So, after considering and discarding a plan to release all the animals in Ueno Zoo, Momo borrowed a terrier named Koro from another kid he knew and took Koro out to Kaidoh's neighbourhood, right about when Kaidoh would be returning from his evening run. He rigged up a fence so that Koro was stuck between the railings but totally safe and not in any pain or anything, not that you would know that from the way he kept fucking barking.

When Kaidoh jogged into view, Momo pulled Koro out from the fence with a heroic flourish. This earned Momo an invitation inside, a tasty snack from Kaidoh's mother, and a really hot make-out session on the couch in Kaidoh's room, which was only slightly disrupted by Koro's constant barking from the yard.

Momo hoped he knew enough other kids with pets.

_ooooo_

The pet strategy worked out pretty well, at least at first. Momo rescued a lost parrot, cured a sick guinea pig, and saved a lizard from drowning, collecting his sugar afterwards, although Kaidoh wasn't quite as enthusiastic about the lizard, possibly due to its less than blog-worthy cuteness. Next time, Momo would put a pink bow around its neck first.

Then he was out of pets to borrow, since Echizen wouldn't let him take Karupin, even after Momo explained why he needed him. Also, Echizen had been kind of avoiding Momo ever since.

But as it turned out, there was a rise in the incidence of spontaneously endangered animals, so even without setting up any animals ahead of time, Momo was saving an average of one pet per day, with sexy results. He even had to buy some chapstick. (He did start to wonder if there should be some screening process for pet ownership, though.)

One afternoon, Momo's last class got out early due to his teacher trying to quit smoking and failing. He figured he'd get a jump on tennis practice and went over to the club house to change.

When he went in, Kaidoh was already there. Putting a kitten on the top shelf of the cubbies.

"Um," said Kaidoh.

"Kaidoh!" Momo said. "You were totally staging those animal danger situations!" Momo was a bit surprised and he acted even more shocked so he wouldn't give away that he'd been doing the exact same thing. "I should have suspected something when your class hamster escaped four times in one week."

"He's ... sneaky." Kaidoh blushed, which Momo kind of liked, especially the way he got red at the back of his neck first, then up to his cheeks.

"Maybe we should just, you know..." Momo thought he might be getting a bit red himself, though in a cool way.

"Buy a trained stunt dog?"

"Go out on a date," Momo said. "Like a normal date type event. Where no animals are in danger."

Kaidoh looked doubtful. "No animals?"

"There can be animals, just they'll be safe." Momo said. "How about Saturday? We can go to the Sea Life Park. I hear you can swim with the tunas or something."

"I guess." Kaidoh's face was still red and his expression was a cross between cute and grouchy. Momo liked it.

"Okay, then." Momo wasn't sure what he was supposed to do next, now that they had completed the arrangements for the official date, so he reached out to punch Kaidoh on the arm. Only he slipped and crashed into the bench. The bench slid over and banged against the cubbies. And the kitten fell.

Momo lunged for the kitten but he tripped over the bench again and his arms didn't stretch and the poor kitten was going to hit the ground.

Then Kaidoh dived and caught it.

"Meow," the kitten said. It settled daintily on Kaidoh's chest and licked its paw. Kaidoh's cheek was scraped and there were dust bunnies in his hair.

Momo swallowed. He picked up the kitten and put it gently on floor. And then he pounced.

He and Kaidoh were still going at it when the rest of the boys came in. "Oh my god," Echizen said.

"Maybe we should buy that stunt dog after all," Momo said.

_ooooo_

Momo and Kaidoh went to the Sea Life Park on Saturday and had a very nice time, especially when Momo donated his whole allowance to help save endangered penguins and Kaidoh dragged him into a toilet stall for some groping and tongue kissing.

They both became volunteers at the animal shelter and Momo got Kaidoh an account on the cat blog and everything was fun and sexy and great.

Until Fuji announced he was going to Canada to save baby seals.

_-fin-_


End file.
